Monday, October 19, 2009

Top-secret memo reveals latest cost-cutting measures

The corporate office has developed new cost-cutting measures. A reader sent in this excerpt from the company's latest plan to reduce expenses:

Vending machines user fee.
Reporters must rent PCs.
$10 charge for performance evals.
Staff meetings now cost $25.
Reporters must provide own chairs.
Two reporters for each desk.
Reporters must provide own desk.
No more lights, candles only.
Reporters must bring own candles.


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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

My gut's aching from laughing.

Anonymous said...

What? No charge to use the company restrooms?

Anonymous said...

Toilet paper 5 cents per square.

Anonymous said...

What about the $8 per hour for short term parking?

Anonymous said...

Don't tell Melanie Sill that you can use a candle for light too.

Anonymous said...

Due to IT layoffs, Geek Squad will handle all PC lockups - at reporters expense. No exceptions.

Anonymous said...

Psst! More insider cost-cutting memo leaks:

You clogs the toilet, you pays the plumber.

Hot water available for a nominal fee to help feed the homeless.

Costly security IDs will be replaced by nightclub hand-stamping.

Security to be provided by American Legion volunteers.

No more costly bakery cakes for goodbye parties. BYO cupcakes from home. Sharing encouraged.

Anonymous said...

LMAO over and over!!!

Anonymous said...

Did someone say restrooms ? The Sac Bee got in trouble with OSHA a few years ago for not letting a Customer Service Rep use the bathroom. (Back when they still had a Customer Service Dept.) A directive came down from Management making sure that no one interfered with anybody's use of the restrooms.

Anonymous said...

Restrooms have to be a problem. The tiny dicked metrosexual libs must have trouble reaching the urinal.

Anonymous said...

Heard it from up high that Gary read these great cost-cutting ideas and plans on implementing several in fiscal 2010. He's out buying candles at Costco.